Sara’s Story

I have been suffering from anxiety disorders especially social anxiety since childhood.Due to stresses of life, I started getting panic attacks later on. I visited psychiatrist in 2015 for the first time who put me on antipsychotics which were effective only till they could keep me sedated.Then I visited another doctor in 2017.He directly put me on daily dose of Pristiq ( Desvenlafaxine) 50 mg for 8 months. This is the time when I started noticing major changes in my body and personality.

I couldn't be brought easily to tears. Nor could my heart beat go up easily. In fact I was unable to get excited about anything.I was less anxious.But I suffered from grave memory impairment. It was difficult for me to hold a conversation about anything as I constantly forgot what we were talking about.

But after quitting meds, my anxiety began to return but this time it was a bit less severe.The side effects however remained. I felt like zombie,still had certain degree of memory impairment.Besides, I stopped having feelings of love, attraction, desire etc.I thought it will resolve on its own.

3 years have passed since I quit these meds. My memory is a lot better though not the same as before meds. But my feelings didn't return. I have zero libido. My genitals etc are still numb.I don't get excited about anything. The effect cannot be psycho-somatic because the body parts are numb which indicates physical damage.

I didn't take any meds again to resolve the issue. In my opinion, the only way antidepressants alleviate our pain is by shutting down our nerves,blocking our nerve signals either for long term or permanently. In other words it chemically lobotomizes us.

I have lost passion and purpose for life. I am feeling inadequate. I am less caring now.

Although I admit that antidepressants thwart negative emotions but it shouldn't be achieved at cost of positive emotions.