Joel’s Story
Joel
Age 22
USA
PSSD for 1 year
I was originally put on Prozac when I was 11 for OCD and anxiety. I was never apprised of sexual side effects and was put on the drug before I was sexually developed, so did not have a sexual baseline to compare.
When I was 21 years old, I finally realized the drug may be affecting my sexual performance so I quit. When COVID started, I moved back home to quarantine with my family and my anxiety came back. I was admittedly bothersome to live with because my anxiety affected my parents and brother whom I would annoy if I did not feel like they were properly socially distancing or quarantining for fear of my health. I did therapy again, but my mother presented me with an ultimatum to get back on Prozac or move out of the house. I complained about sexual side effects and my desire to not take the drug but just continue with therapy. She responded she did not care, and it did not matter to her because I was not having sex and I had to get the prescription refilled or move out. I hesitantly did but just left the pill bottle in my room but when she found it she made me take it in front of her at our dining room table. When the side effects came back, I quit cold turkey and moved out of the house.
Shortly afterwards the side effects got even worse and I could not perform with even high doses of Viagra. In addition to the total loss of libido, erectile dysfunction, pleasureless orgasms, and genital numbness, I another much more troublesome symptom, emotional numbness. I no longer get pleasure in activities I used to enjoy, feel very apathetic, and have no romantic feelings of love. I have found no support from the medical community and have had my symptoms characterized as psychosomatic, psychotic, or from a conversion disorder.
I am left an unhappy shell of the former person I was angry at my parents for setting an ultimatum as well as dismissing my side effects and putting me on the drug at such a young age. I am angry I was never apprised of the side effects by any of the psychiatrists that prescribed me the medication. I want nothing more than to feel like myself again but feel I never will and this has devastated me.
I do not want anyone else to go through what I am going through and am especially concerned about children who are placed on these drugs without awareness of their own sexuality. There needs to be more awareness of this condition in the medical community, and children should not be put on these drugs before they are sexually developed!
My life may be permanently destroyed and I may be condemned to this inhumane existence of regret, emptiness, and erasure of my sexuality but if my story can save another child or a parent can read this and wait until there child is older so they can be part of the decision-making process for their own body it will be worth it.