Shawn’s Story
Shawn
Canada
PSSD for 8 years
My name is Shawn, I am 24 years old and my life has been severely impacted by the use of SSRI medication.
When I was 14 I was prescribed citalopram for generalized anxiety disorder. The first thing I noticed was an inability to use my imagination like I used too. Then I woke up one morning with this general feeling of numbness emotionally, like I didn't really care anymore. At first I thought this was a good thing as it eased some of the anxiety, until I later realized I had a general lack of emotional response to everything in life.
As I continued to take this medication, and eventually increased the dose by the instruction of my psychiatrist, I began to notice mild sexual dysfunction, most noteably premature ejaculation, soft glands, low libido and less morning erections. After having used citalopram for 8 months and not finding it to be much help, my psychiatrist recommended I take 2 weeks to wean off from 40mg. I suffered quite bad withdrawal symptoms and this was when I realized what Post-SSRI Sexual Dysfunction really was. The aformentioned symptoms worsened significantly and my ability to feel enjoyment out of everyday life got worse. I could hardly attend school regularly as I was too fatigued and I constantly felt like a zombie.
Not making the connection to the medication, my psychiatrist recommended another SSRI called Sertraline. Hoping this was going to fix my emotional numbness and anhedonia I gave it a chance. Surprisingly this didn't really worsen me until I came off cold turkey after 6 months of use. This is when I started experiencing severe withdrawal symptoms and the emergence of a real terrifying syndrome that progressively worsens even to this day. If I were to list off all of the symptoms I experience I fear I may be dismissed or called crazy but I can assure you they are real and I live with them every day. Full body numbness (particularly genital numbness), testicular atrophy (supported by ultrasound), pain in penis/pelvic region, worsened anhedonia, inability to relax, depersonalization, congnitive issues - the list goes on. Sexual symptoms have persisted, worsened and include low libido, lack of response to sexual stimuli and romantic feelings, weak orgasms, severe premature ejaculation, watery sperm, etc.
I write to you to tell you my experience with these medications. I took a couple of others including amitriptaline, buspirone and I also experimented with cannabis at age 16. None of these had a significant lasting effect except for the cannabis which may have contributed to my severe withdrawal reaction. I've never been diagnosed with any significant health conditions other than anxiety disorder. Ive seen many doctors about my symptoms and although they may agree I am suffering with these symptoms, not one have been able to tell me what the cause of these symptoms are. What could cause a 16 year old boy to go through something like this? And how would you feel if this was your son or your brother, would you believe them?
I battle these symptoms on a daily basis, but unfortunately due to a lack of awareness of this condition amongst both the medical community and society at large, I have also found myself fighting for acknowledgement. I beg you to hear my testimony and to give it the seriousness it deserves. Your support could validate the experience that I have shared with many others and make an enormous difference for people like myself. I truly hope that one day there will be an answer to all of this and perhaps even a cure. I know many in our community that have committed suicide over this condition and I would be lying if I said I've never thought of it myself. But I will continue to fight because I love life and I want more than anything else to just feel normal again - to feel like Shawn again.
Thank you so much for reading all of this