Ana’s Story
Ana Garza
18 years old
Mexico
PSSD 8.5 months
At age 13 I was forced to take SSRIs when my parents took me with a psychiatrist since I was having a poor appetite. My lack of appetite was due to too much stress from bullying, school, having recently joined a competitive swim team which places a lot of pressure on me, and other stressful life situations. I didn’t want to take the drugs since I knew my lack of appetite was rooted in the events going on in my life, I just had to reduce stress. However I was still forced by the psychiatrist and my parents. I was also very concerned about the side effects and would research them online but the psychiatrist would call me “obsessive” for researching the medication, to the point she told my parents to take away my phone so that I didn’t have the chance to do research. She obviously told me and my parents that this medication where “safe” and said nothing about side effects much less about PSSD. I was just 13.
I tried to quit at age 16 but developed a withdrawal condition called akathisia which was misdiagnosed as “anxiety” and I was forced again to take drugs. I took Zoloft for 4 months and this time when I quitted the withdrawal became severe and I developed a condition called Post SSRI Sexual Dysfunction (PSSD). PSSD is characterized by loss of sexual functioning and emotional blunting. It was extremely traumatic to lose my sexuality at such a young age.
The medication never helped fix any of my problems, they just brought negative side effects. While I was on the medication I started having sexual dysfunction and blunted emotions. When I stopped the medication this effect never diminished, they actually increased. Before the drugs I was a very curious, passionate and smart girl, in love with life. I excelled at school, I had a 4.0 GPA and a 90% academic scholarship for high school and university, I was doing a rigorous academic program with the intention of majoring in biomedicine. I had a very good cognition and was highly creative, I loved painting and visual arts. I was passionate about science, math, philosophy, history and art. I was also very active and enjoyed distance running, yoga and hiking. I was so in love with life, I had a profound appreciation for nature. Since I’ve had PSSD I’ve completely lost the person I was.
PSSD not only causes sexual dysfunction which is already very hard, but it also causes emotional blunting/ anhedonia which really impacts the ability to enjoy the good from life. The anhedonia made me lose my creativity, livelihood, and passion for life, along with my sexuality which was something I valued a lot. I went from being an extremely passionate and hard working student, to having to take time off school and being housebound and unable to do the things I used to. I am not capable of thinking as creatively as I used to, I struggle a lot with my cognition, and I am no longer able to enjoy the things I used to, not even traveling which I used to love so much.
I’ve had PSSD for 8.5 months and during the first months I went to the beach with my family which was something I used to love so much, however this time I couldn’t enjoy anything! I no longer felt that feeling of passion and joy when looking at the ocean, I felt so much grief at not being able to feel emotions. I also have immense grief at losing my sexuality at just age 17, my sexual function is completely destroyed (complete genital anesthesia, pleasureless orgasms, no libido) I lost my emotions, and sexuality, alongside my cognition, and wellbeing due to a drug I didn’t need and was coerced to take. A drug that didn’t help and just harmed. I am entirely sure these symptoms are caused by the SSRI because I had never suffered from any emotional issues / depression apart from the lack of appetite at age 13 which resolved when I quitted swimming and when the bullying at school stopped . I was a very happy and healthy teenager before taking the Zoloft. I’ve never suffered from emotional blunting or sexual dysfunction (complete genital anesthesia, pleasureless orgasms, no libido) prior to the Zoloft and these side effects never subsided.
My current therapist also confirms that I don’t have any psychological issues that could be causing this problem. PSSD is a very serious problem that has greatly impacted my quality of life and is also very disregarded by psychiatrists. I told my psychiatrist that the sexual dysfunction that arose when I started the medication never lifted, she completely ignored me, I then sent her a text message with some of the studies on PSSD and the European Medical Agency’s recognition of PSSD and she ghosted me and proceeded to block me.
I’ve only been part of the PSSD community for 8 months and I’ve unfortunately already witnessed the suicide of one sufferer and several attempts from other suffered. PSSD may not be terminal but it certainly drives people to suicide. Having blunted emotions and no sexuality is a very unnatural, traumatic, hard and pleasureless way to live. We really need more research being done to shed light on what mechanisms cause PSSD in order for a treatment to be able to be developed.